I woke up this morning (4:22 a.m.), unable to fall back to sleep, and was thinking about the movie Julie and Julia and how I could challenge myself to create more and complain less. I thought, do exactly what she did, start a blog. Then I thought, no, just keep an electronic diary, but then I am not really accountable. I can easily let this challenge fall by the wayside and it would be no big deal. If this diary (blog) is public (even though I know no one is reading it at this time) there is a little more at stake if I fail.
Okay, a little about me... I graduated college with a B.S. in Fashion Design. I work full-time, sometimes more than that, as an Executive Assistant, i.e. secretary. Needless to say, this wasn't the plan. The one thing I never wanted to be was a secretary. After all, I could have went to a community college for 2 years, really learned the important stuff of secretarydom (short-hand, typing fast, etc.) and walked away with a much lower student loan debt than I wound up with. The one thing about being a secretary that I like is to make things neat and organized. I feel good about my day when I do what I set out to accomplish. I strive for perfection on the job, but being the insecure person I am, not receiving positive feedback on my menial accomplishments leaves me feeling unfulfilled.
Being unfulfilled on the job can cause me to complain way too much and make me, well, very irritable and testy at home. The Object of My Affection (TOMA) can only stand so much complaining and doesn't like being snapped at. (Really can't blame him for feeling that way.) He is one of those people that doesn't complain, just gets more quiet than usual when things bother him. He doesn't burden others with rants and whining. I, on the other hand, go off on tirades, my OCD kicks into high gear and I just don't let go of whatever is bothering me until I have something new to complain about. So in my quest to improve my relationship with TOMA and be a generally more content, easy to be around person, I am going to take charge and be accountable for my moods.
I am home on medical leave right now, and have been watching more than the usual number of movies. I watched Eat, Pray, Love the other night and heard two quotes that stuck with me. The first quote was, "if you could clear all of that space in your mind, [that is taken up with obsessing] you would have a doorway, and you know what the universe would do: rush in." The second quote was, "you're going to have to learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day... because if you can't master your thoughts you are in trouble forever." My problem in a nutshell--clearing my mind and mastering my thoughts.
So, I have one more week at home and would like to use the time to get my mind ready to go back to work with a new attitude. Just deciding to not complain anymore has never worked well for me--at least not for more than a couple of weeks. So, I thought let's empty the space where my negativity simmers, boils, then simmers some more and fill that space in my mind with the rest of my universe. I could be so much more creative with all of that time and energy I use for being negative and angry. I will add 12 minutes of meditation a day--as I have never done meditation before--12 minutes of a thoughtless mind would be a big accomplishment, read about Buddhism (the middle way) and learn about my own religion, and once able, get back into my exercise regimen.
Here is the Julie and Julia part: (Disclaimer: The author of this blog is allowed to adjust her goals if she finds them to be overwhelming.)
- Complete one knitting or quilting project every 2 months.
- Try some of the techniques in one of the 20 or more quilting/drawing/watercolor books I have purchased in the last year.
- Finish the quilt I promised my mom for her birthday 1 1/2 years ago.
- Work in my sketchbook at least 3 days per week.
- Post on my new blog at least once per week--just in case anyone is reading it.
Okay, now it is official! Sorry for rambling in this first post. I hope you will keep visiting. Thank you.